Waking up your inner magic

I have always wanted magic lessons. Even before I ever read Harry Potter.
I used to stand in front of the sea, at the line where the sand was dry on one side and wet on the other, and call to the sea and imagine it was my call that drew the tide in and made the waves crash. That it was magic that was inside my fingertips, that was inside the silent voice that commanded and asked and invited the sea to come to me.

When I got older, the magic between me and the water never went away but I began to trust it less. I learned the science of how the water moves according to the earth turning... well whatever way it actually moves, I learned it was a science. I learned that the magic in the books I loved wouldn’t fall out of my fingertips in violet wisps and transform the world around me.

I believe dragons exist. If you look sideways at me and ask “Really?” I don’t know what my answer would be. I think I wanted magic to exist and explode out of me so much that I internalized the idea that if I was certain dragons and unicorns were real, magic would arrive. That there would be magic in me. Magic that I could cultivate through books and spells like at Hogwarts, but also magic that would be fully my essence. That would curl itself around me and have its own personality.

I understand now that there is magic. After growing up waiting for it to appear in more obvious and physical ways, and becoming a disappointed and desolate adolescent, I have arrived at early adulthood into the understanding that there is magic and it is inside me. And it is all around me. And it is inside you.

I have felt my magic come through my hugs that have shifted the energy of the sad person I am hugging, who now smiles at me. I have felt my magic when I listen quietly at 5 in the morning to the wind outside my window and the cars passing and to the silence inside my body. I have felt my magic when I sit and hold the hand of my friend while she cries. I have felt the magic of others when I crumble to the floor sobbing, sometimes with no idea why, and they make me laugh, or they pick me back up, or they get on the floor with me. I have felt magic when a child beams at me on the train and I have felt magic when someone takes my hand and runs their finger along the inside of my palm.

Your magic is in you and it wants to be awake. All you need to do is listen: listen with your heart, listen with your eyes closed, and listen with your fingertips.

I have not written a blog for several years now. I have been writing poetry, but I have kept it close, sharing (sometimes) with a few close family members and no one else.

I have been inspired to write again in a new way. I would like to unfold myself. I would like to abandon my identity, abandon my attachment to my appearance, both physical and intellectual, and unravel as far as I can to reveal my soul so that we can be here together and share soul to soul.

Thanks for being here with me.

Wake up your magic,

with joy and confetti
Alexa

This post inspired by the podcast Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert Ep. 209