Hold it together

Sometimes you sit on the bathroom floor

And wish you were made of stronger stuff

Because your coat is still on /but you’ve been inside for an hour 

And you’ve snapped at your sister 

And you’ve tried to hold on

But you can’t anymore and

tears obscure the world 

And you feel like you’ve lost 

But at least you feel Here 

Because your inside always has to be part of your outside

or else 

you run the risk of becoming a shell of yourself

i want to stay here for the rest of time

with the mostly-white tile in the haven underneath the mirror

by the yet-unused towels

and my winter hat on 

and their muffled voices

And the door between us 

And the solidarity safety of a bathroom 

I extend my hand but Gigi only sees my tongue

And I am sorry for it

But my voice is like concrete and I don’t soften 

I send my heart towards dad and feel him from afar but the tears are salty in my mouth
and still cold

my love holds me / i feel it / and I am grateful

but I fall and want to stay here on the floor Don’t make me come out

I look like a cod left out,

Plundered first from life and then from the ice 

Weeping onto the wood planks in the sun

Hollow 

And missing the sea 

with joy and confetti,

Alexa