Shoulds and should nots
We live in a world of shoulds and should nots.
No.
Let me clarify. We feel like we live in a world of shoulds. We don’t actually.
The essence of Should is the opposite of being inspired. Should is obligation. Should is guilt. Should is strain. Should stresses you out, even if it’s under the surface.
I wake up and I think Ah, how lovely it’s so early dawn is just cresting and I am refreshed what a nice day this will be and then I think I SHOULD… I SHOULD… I SHOULD…
And the shoulds shut me down.
I was thinking of drawing, of borrowing glue and making cards, of spending my quiet whole-house-to-myself-no-work-until-later time on the floor with the floor pillows and my creative ideas.
My shoulds make me feel bad about this. This kind of behavior is why you haven’t succeeded in your chosen career, my SHOULDs say. You’re wasting your time, my SHOULDs like to say on repeat.
There are other things you really SHOULD be doing, I hear. And every should makes me feel muffled and quiet in a not-breathing kind of way, when before I was bursting and bright and fizzy at the edges like a sparkler.
There is a secret fear under the shoulds. A fear that isn’t a part of me. A fear that the Shoulds are the only way to get to a place. A “place” I imagine my happiness can escalate. A “place” that usually means Status of some kind, and Status usually so you can feel like you are finally worthy.
But I am already worthy.
And I am very happy. I plop myself on the floor with paint brushes and stickers and glue and paper and markers and my Excitement. I feel wrapped close with love from far away and with the rich, warm love that is in the room because I listened to myself.
When I hear the SHOULDs this morning, I acknowledge them but I don’t take them on. I nod like I am listening to someone’s differing opinion and give them the space to say their piece. But then I say to them, calmly, None of this is relevant to me, but thank you for sharing.
And then I go and do what I want.
I’m learning.
with joy and confetti,
Alexa